Supporting Your Child and Fostering their Passions

Ultimately our role as parents is to guide and nurture the very best in our children. It's so easy in today's society to become distracted and gravitate to the world of comparisons and/or what is within our comfort zone as a parent.

Every child is different.  Every - child - is - different. 

Keep saying that to yourself.  

Each child has different strengths and challenges than their sibling(s).  

Each child has a different strengths and challenges than their neighbour, classmate, friend, cousin, etc.

Ultimately, what is important in raising our children?...  In my opinion, it is that they:

• are respectful
• have confidence
• are happy and healthy
• can care for themselves and the world around them.

I have two children: one, a natural athlete (this is my comfort zone) and performer - and the second, an artist. My oldest, the artist, has discovered a passion for You Tube videos. This is was a completely foreign world/interest for me. I didn't quite grow up in the pre-television generation but definitely "BC" as my parents always say, "before computers". And, before cable tv in our household... so, the concept of You Tube: video production, editing and the intricacies of You Tube is completely overwhelming for this parent.

My son takes great pride in the story; the creativity; the sharing and; the engagement and interaction within a You Tube channel.  In our case, engaging in You Tube specifically, but regardless of the specific interest/passion, ANY area of interest foreign to a child's parent is a HUGE commitment. The reality of this commitment can be overwhelming but, the investment in time to support and foster YOUR CHILD'S intrinsic passion is rewarded so tremendously. I am writing this to show you just that - and to ask for your help :). Take a few minutes to look at the evolution in his confidence and his development by viewing the videos below and please note:

• For any child who may be shy, reserved and have developmental delays, I hope these video can show parents some hope and how the efforts made in investing in your child's passion can be so rewarded.
• You Tube is a beast. It's is amazing and incredible and a remarkable community in itself but --- building a channel and gaining some traction takes a tremendous amount of time, effort and a steep, steep learning curve.  By clicking on a video and/or giving a video a thumbs up and/or leaving a pleasant comment, you can honestly make someone's day. My son is THRILLED to have hit a new milestone in subscribers and seeing this response, knowing he may have made someone else smile, helps to motivate him (and his Momma, too :) )... when you are looking to support your child's passion, having both internal and this sort of external motivation has a remarkable impact. For the latter, I turn to you and am truly grateful for your support.

See the "results" from an investment in a child's passion that is completely foreign to his parents right here...

From this:

to this (over a few - relatively - short months):

Maybe I am bias? I encourage you to share your perspective in the comments on this blog and/or on his videos; what stands out to you?

The reality in letting our children take the lead in inspiring their passions can instill a level of fear in parents. Reflect on this honest statement:

it's human to fear what may be beyond our control and to allow our children's choices, taking such a lead.... letting go of these precious human beings in this capacity and diving into a world of potentially complete unfamiliarity... say WHAT?!?! (This article has some interesting perspectives on this subject that I encourage you to also read.)

Again though, I circle back to my initial statement and reason for this post:

• A child's passion can foster and nurture critical aspects of a child's development.
• The impact when you support and foster your child's passion beyond your comfort level can have a significant, positive, impact on their development.
• My son inspires me every day. He faces what some may see as an uphill battle every day (we have not yet shared, fully, the adversity he faces in this cyber world but that will come - with time) and I firmly believe he has been blessed with a gift to inspire and connect with others. Thanks to technology, this is a platform to do just that. 

With that, until next time... have a wonderful day! xo

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Interested in learning more about our family? Now you know how some of the evolution of our You Tube channel but watch the video below to hear about the first spark that ignited our You Tube journey. Stay tuned for updates and join us on our adventure! 

Again, if you are interested in really helping out this small You Tuber gain a little traction, please let our playlist run and enjoy a few laughs along the way! Thanks so much!

Parenting Perspective: The Chapter on Supporting Your Self-Punishing Child Begins

My son is sensitive and loving, a true old soul. But with this aspect of his personality comes the "self-punishment". Combine this with anxiety (I talk about his anxiety here) and numerous developmental delays and a typical day presents that many more opportunities for my own personal growth. This perspective is critical to save my sanity. My sweet boy is gift to teach me greater patience, a deeper love and to value and hold onto every precious moment...

I love this photo of him. I think you can see a bit of his precious soul through his eyes and smile.

My six, soon-to-be seven year old, has made frightening, devastating, comments. From "I don't want to live" --- and shying completely away from concretely discussing it only to comment, "I can't tell you what I sad again because it would make you really, really sad." This is certainly want breaks my heart the most but then there are moments like yesterday where he declares his own punishment.

He started crying, balling. In the moment I couldn't understand why but soon learned the trigger (within a series of items) was receiving cereal instead of toast for breakfast. Anything pertaining to making a decision, he gets COMPLETELY overwhelmed. Even the option of having both so that he does not necessary have to make another choice becomes, yes, another choice for him. The crying, red tears, tears streaming down his face --- after nearly 40 minutes he realized this is not an acceptable response for the situation and that there should be a consequence. He begins:

• You need to take away my Pokemon card, forever.
• When I get home from school, I am just going to stay in my room for the rest of the day. 
• Don't have a birthday party for me. I don't deserve it.

And, he continues... continues declaring punishments for the next 20 minutes.

I had to leave for work and this stayed with me all day. Last night I spent the evening reading a spectrum of articles on "when a child self punishes"; "how to support a child who self punishes"; "understanding a child who self punishes".  Additionally, I have reached out to various local therapists to meet and discuss so I can better get out of my own head on this subject. I am by no means an expert but I can say, reading other parents' perspectives last night on similar circumstances helped so I thought I would share my situation, thus far, albeit with no particular resolve because sometimes I know you need to hear "I can relate"; "You are not alone". And, from the "expert" articles I read last night, a common them was:

"This is a surprisingly common issue for children." 

With that, again, you are not alone. Yesterday was not the first time we have gone through this situation. This has been going on for nearly two years and as he matures the consequences seem to be getting more in depth rather than lesser. 

I will update as we make our way through this parenting chapter... With some positive resolve, here are a few strategies I found from "When a Child's Guilt Goes Overboard" that we are going to try. 

"Here are a few suggestions, but you should find what works for your family:

1. Change the self-talk. Tell him he may apologize but he may not “insult” himself. That is your son he’s insulting and you don’t want to hear it! Explain that it is not his job to give the punishments, it’s your job. He can express his feelings once, but then needs to move on to something on the list.
2. Draw or write an apology note. No matter how small or large his mistake, this gives him a way to focus on the person he upset instead of himself, and express his remorse.
3. Make a gift of some kind. This is a great way to use some creativity making someone else feel good, and he will probably learn that this makes him feel better as well.
4. Spend some time alone. Separate from a punishment, he can go hang in his room or some comforting place.
5. Use that energy as exercise. Running off his mad, even if it’s at himself, is a healthy way to get these feelings out. A punching bag in your basement, a jump rope, push ups or sit ups are healthy ways to push out his mood.
6. Do a good deed. When he is feeling  like he is a disaster as a person, have him do something kind or helpful for the world. Clean up some litter, rake for a neighbor, do an extra chore around the house.
7. Create art or music or stories. These are excellent media for ridding ourselves of negative emotions."

SOURCE: When a Child's Guilt Goes Overboard,  Ask Doctor G: Parenting & Youth Development Expert, http://askdoctorg.com/2012/05/14/when-a-childs-guilt-goes-overboard, accessed November 16, 2017

Thanks for letting me connect and being a part of your day... hold onto a positive perspective throughout the challenges of your own parenting journey. Each present tremendous opportunities for growth and development... through that growth and development, we can empower, inspire and support.

With gratitude... have a wonderful day! xo

Parenting a Child with Anxiety

My son has anxiety. It is draining. It is exhausting. It challenges every ounce of my being. It tests me in ways beyond measures. It can most easily be recognized by the tears streaming down both of our faces. 

The other day was photo day at soccer. An environment which may not be comfortable for all but one that the 40+ other children they could cope reasonably well with. This is not me comparing or singling out my child. This is me being observant and open to learning how others handle such circumstances. The result: 2.5 hours of crying until he cried himself to sleep. Again, this not be comparing or singling out my child; this is me knowing my child and understanding from the dozens of medical professionals he has seen, he has anxiety.

When friends try to help - for me, a wall goes up.  A thick, impenetrable wall. I know people are meaning well but the reality is: we just want to dive into a bubble, my son and I, so we can talk; so he can express himself and I can remind him, without distraction, I am here with you. I love you.

It's not about whether or not it's going to be okay because in that moment, that is not a message he is able to hear; that is not within the realm of his reality...

If you are cornered by a lion and someone were to say to you, "it's going to be okay?" - you might have some choice words. For someone to think that by saying those words, in that moment, those "actions" are going to help with the circumstance?... Think about that. Really think about that. That is what a child with anxiety faces when they are triggered.

I relate my son's anxiety to being cornered by a lion

The reality is these situations that to most are simple decisions or day-to-day circumstances are completely overwhelming and outright terrifying for him. This --- this is anxiety.

On a day-to-day level, from public appearance, he can cope well. But, when he doesn't - and we don't always know what the trigger will be (yet) - it is not about whether or not he copes well; right now, it is that he does not cope. "Fight or flight" --- he takes off like a rocket-ship... and he is headed to a universe that is presently completely unknown to us but, guess what, we are along for the ride.

We've tried to talk with other parents about his anxiety but are often met with:
"He seems fine to me."
"He's learning at his own pace."

I can tell you these are not helpful or constructive comments. Although we appreciate the place these messages are coming from, I am writing this to share another perspective. When you know there is something "wrong" with your child it is not about labeling him - or perhaps more appropriately - feeling bad that he HAS a label. The "label" is a part of who he is. That is not something to be dismissed; it is something that must be acknowledged. It is a reality. It is his reality. It is a part of him and all of him is someone to be embraced.

We are new to this. This world of parenting a child with anxiety... it's not easy but we are learning... we are trying to keep breathing. We are letting ourselves cry. And we are reminding ourselves:

Until next time.. have a wonderful day! xo

p.s. I will keep you updated; if you have a child with anxiety, please do not hesitate to reach out.  Comment below or share some links to helpful resources to the comment section below.

Breathe, Mommas. Just, breathe.

I recently tweeted, "I aspire for that 'someone' to be my children." --- in reference to this quote:

This is one of my life mantras. I am a very centred person. Someone who has a strong faith; strong values and lives with integrity and morality. I am grounded by looking and feeling the "good" in the world...

When your day starts with your 3 year old giving you a HUGE hug and saying, "I love you VERYYYYY much." you can - and should - take a moment to step back and proudly acknowledge to yourself, "I am doing something right." Do you, though? Or --- do you let those moments pass you by?

I encourage you to pause. To breathe. To take in that moment. Stop all that you are doing and just.... breathe. Allow yourself to smile and feel your heart warm. Let that moment empower you. Hang onto that moment if even just for a few seconds.... I assure you, you'll be back to picking up spilled milk before you know it. "It" is just spilled milk. "That" moment... "That" hug was more that "just" a moment. That was a list of compliments you should be proud of:

• You're doing awesome!
• I am proud of you!
• I really do care for you more than anything!
• I thank you.

Now, aren't those moments worth appreciating?! Your child is appreciating you. Hold onto that and acknowledge that.

"That someone".... That someone is definitely you. ((((Hugs)))

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Please follow us on You Tube. We invite you to be a part of our life's adventures!

How does your child inspire you?

"Education begins the moment we see children as innately wise and capable beings. Only then can we play along in their world."

How does your child inspire you? Their innocence? Their drive and determination? Perseverance? Integrity? Passion?... I encourage you to take a moment and relate your child's behaviours to personality attributes. Here's an example:

• Our 3 year old snuck into the kitchen at 3am, moved one of the dining room chairs so that he could reach the top shelf, took a bag of mini-marshmellows and a bottle of multivitamins in a child-proof container, and went back in his room...

Sure, there are many things "wrong" with this behaviour and his actions were certainly less than desirable but, through this we can recognize:

• determination
• witt
• intelligence
• strength - physical and mental
•  ....

What POSITIVE personality attributes do you see in such actions? I challenge you to think about your child's perhaps less than desirable behaviour or action and be inspired but what their actions highlight about their personality....something to think about. Comment below with your stories. 

In reflecting on our child's behaviour and actions in that moment describes above, we can also take a moment to appreciate, the kid has moves.... for a laugh, watch this clip of his dance moves --- he calls it the "step and jiggle". Have a great day!