Supporting Your Child and Fostering their Passions

Ultimately our role as parents is to guide and nurture the very best in our children. It's so easy in today's society to become distracted and gravitate to the world of comparisons and/or what is within our comfort zone as a parent.

Every child is different.  Every - child - is - different. 

Keep saying that to yourself.  

Each child has different strengths and challenges than their sibling(s).  

Each child has a different strengths and challenges than their neighbour, classmate, friend, cousin, etc.

Ultimately, what is important in raising our children?...  In my opinion, it is that they:

• are respectful
• have confidence
• are happy and healthy
• can care for themselves and the world around them.

I have two children: one, a natural athlete (this is my comfort zone) and performer - and the second, an artist. My oldest, the artist, has discovered a passion for You Tube videos. This is was a completely foreign world/interest for me. I didn't quite grow up in the pre-television generation but definitely "BC" as my parents always say, "before computers". And, before cable tv in our household... so, the concept of You Tube: video production, editing and the intricacies of You Tube is completely overwhelming for this parent.

My son takes great pride in the story; the creativity; the sharing and; the engagement and interaction within a You Tube channel.  In our case, engaging in You Tube specifically, but regardless of the specific interest/passion, ANY area of interest foreign to a child's parent is a HUGE commitment. The reality of this commitment can be overwhelming but, the investment in time to support and foster YOUR CHILD'S intrinsic passion is rewarded so tremendously. I am writing this to show you just that - and to ask for your help :). Take a few minutes to look at the evolution in his confidence and his development by viewing the videos below and please note:

• For any child who may be shy, reserved and have developmental delays, I hope these video can show parents some hope and how the efforts made in investing in your child's passion can be so rewarded.
• You Tube is a beast. It's is amazing and incredible and a remarkable community in itself but --- building a channel and gaining some traction takes a tremendous amount of time, effort and a steep, steep learning curve.  By clicking on a video and/or giving a video a thumbs up and/or leaving a pleasant comment, you can honestly make someone's day. My son is THRILLED to have hit a new milestone in subscribers and seeing this response, knowing he may have made someone else smile, helps to motivate him (and his Momma, too :) )... when you are looking to support your child's passion, having both internal and this sort of external motivation has a remarkable impact. For the latter, I turn to you and am truly grateful for your support.

See the "results" from an investment in a child's passion that is completely foreign to his parents right here...

From this:

to this (over a few - relatively - short months):

Maybe I am bias? I encourage you to share your perspective in the comments on this blog and/or on his videos; what stands out to you?

The reality in letting our children take the lead in inspiring their passions can instill a level of fear in parents. Reflect on this honest statement:

it's human to fear what may be beyond our control and to allow our children's choices, taking such a lead.... letting go of these precious human beings in this capacity and diving into a world of potentially complete unfamiliarity... say WHAT?!?! (This article has some interesting perspectives on this subject that I encourage you to also read.)

Again though, I circle back to my initial statement and reason for this post:

• A child's passion can foster and nurture critical aspects of a child's development.
• The impact when you support and foster your child's passion beyond your comfort level can have a significant, positive, impact on their development.
• My son inspires me every day. He faces what some may see as an uphill battle every day (we have not yet shared, fully, the adversity he faces in this cyber world but that will come - with time) and I firmly believe he has been blessed with a gift to inspire and connect with others. Thanks to technology, this is a platform to do just that. 

With that, until next time... have a wonderful day! xo

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Interested in learning more about our family? Now you know how some of the evolution of our You Tube channel but watch the video below to hear about the first spark that ignited our You Tube journey. Stay tuned for updates and join us on our adventure! 

Again, if you are interested in really helping out this small You Tuber gain a little traction, please let our playlist run and enjoy a few laughs along the way! Thanks so much!

Parenting Advice No One Ever Tells You

Here's the deal, folks... I am FAR from the the perfect parent and I, in no way, have my act together BUT, I have discovered a few of the ultimate in sanity saving parenting tips that no one ever tells you. Sure, you may have heard that saying before but I promise you, take 5 minutes to experience a few "ah-ha" moments! by reading this post...

1. Stackable plates.

Avoid the sectioned off plates and spend the $2 from Ikea to get their stackable sets. This avoids the Tupperware or random containers tumbling out of the cupboard much like a game of dominos - and with that, also your sanity temporarily crumbling. 

Your kid doesn't like their peas touching their potatoes --- wait! you just read that right, it IS possible for a kid to love peas... make use of 3 bowls. They are cost effective enough and keep things more separated...

Available HERE

2. The Crockpot, batch up cooking and/or a good quality blender are your new best friends.

Whenever you are cooking, batch up recipes and stick them in the freezer. This is most significant no only in saving on the cooking later -- but seriously streamlines clean up. 

Take advantage of the freezer to crockpot method of cooking where you dump the ingredients from a Ziploc bag to the Crockpot, set it and forget it! I've link a few simple recipes below.

Blenders are wonderful. Whether it's a smoothly, a sauce or a soup -- Blenders lend to the dump it and press the "easy" button philosophy. Who doesn't love the occasional easy button?!?

FOLLOW the blog as I post more of these helpful recipes in the coming weeks. In the meantime, enjoy THESE easy recipes or, how about this Chicken Cord Chowder?

A delicious Chicken Corn Chowder hits the spot!

3. Avoid the traditional toy bins.

Sure they can be cute for a short while, a VERY short while. Save your sanity by taking advantage of the "out-of-sight - out-of-mind tactic". Add a pictured label if needed to assist with putting away their own toys. On that note, remember that by nature, kids LOVE to clean. We are creatures of habit and a simple label can make this a more seamless process and a process that takes this item off of your "to do" list. 

A system like THIS with basket or fabric storage bins is a great, affordable, option.

4. The vacuum is the most effective means to getting your children to clean their room. An automated vacuum, like the Roomba, is even better. 

No need to raise your voice to get your kids to clean, simply let them know in 10 minutes you'll be vacuuming. Even better, schedule a robot vacuum which regularly turns on when no one if home so their rooom(s) - especially all of their LEGO needs to be clean - otherwise, the robot will pick them up. Voilia! You're not the "bad guy" and they stay on top of keeping their room clean. Win! Win!

5. Get ready to turn up the volume!

Feeling stressed? Don't hit the pause button, turn up the music and enjoy a spontaneous dance party. It resets the energy for everyone... and now you know where my son gets his killer dance moves! ;)

6. It's not about being lazy, it's all strategic and planning for the long-haul. 

Your children offer two extra hands to help you and work as a family-unit. My children know that there are core responsibilities to keeping up the house and the more we work together to accomplish task, the quicker the task gets done AND --- the more time we have to play together. 

So, how many times did you hit your forehead reading this?! Why do these pieces of advice get missed in the "real" parenting books? These are solutions, folks. Give them a go and share in the comments below your best - or worst - parenting advice, strategies and solutions!

Until next time... have a wonderful day! xo

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Interested in learning more about our family? We're on You Tube, too! Watch the video below to hear why we started this journey; stay tuned for updates and join us on our adventure! 

If you are interested in really helping out this small You Tuber gain a little traction, please let our playlist run and enjoy a few laughs along the way! 

Letters from Santa

Each year, our children receive a letter from Santa on Christmas morning. We read each letter as a family prior to them opening the gifts. The structure of the letter is as such:

• Recognizing some of the big accomplishments over that last year
• Acknowledging a strength in their personality 
• Describing an area for growth with Santa sharing a relatable experience
• Concluding with another strength and best wishes for the year ahead

Below are our 2016 letters. Please scroll down to read and enjoy a little piece of this special tradition. 

Our oldest son also wrote a letter to Santa in the mail, the post office provided a letter back! Watch his eyes as as read the letter to him in the video below.... this excitement is even more so with these Christmas morning letters. We will try to share a video of that as well.

With that, may your Christmas be filled with plenty of smiles and the year ahead be filled with remarkable blessings. With love, gratitude and respect...

Happy Holidays -- from our family to yours. xo

Dear Isaiah (age 6),

What a special year! You finished grade 1 and have started grade 2. You are walking to school, playing soccer, learning to ice skate, improving with swimming… you are working so hard in many things and I am very proud of you. Do you know what I am most proud of though? --- how loving and caring you are – and how hard you work to learn new things. This is what makes you truly special, Isaiah.

Your strong heart help you share with and care for other people. Your heart also helps you stay focused on tasks and keep practicing things so you can improve and do them with confidence. Your determination is something to be very, very proud of. I meet a lot of children and you really stand out with this, Isaiah. I feel honoured to be coming to your house tonight to bring you something special because of this. This is what makes you such a very good boy. I know it’s one of the things that make your Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa so proud of you, too!

I know you are working so very hard at controlling your body and that that is a very difficult thing to do. Keep taking your big breaths --- that is what really helps me. Did you know that sometimes even Santa gets overwhelmed? There are a lot of things I need to do to prepare for my trip around the world and all of those deliveries; there are so many decisions to make and I don’t always know if I am making the right one.  Sometimes I just want to scream or shake my body but I remember that my energy is better spent on solving the problem or that I need to be okay with the decision I make.  To help me with that, I fill my belly full of air and blow out. I once blew so hard I blew over one of my Elves! Fortunately, he was okay and the Elf even laughed - A LOT - which made me feel better. If you are ever feeling overwhelmed, Isaiah – can you do me a favour and try to fill your belly full of air like Santa and blow it out? Write to me next year to tell if that is helping you when you have to make decisions or are feeling overwhelmed.

Oh! Speaking of your letter… What wonderful writing!!  I had to write you a second letter because I was so impressed. Your letters are so clear and I can very much appreciated writing that page out may have taken some hard work and a lot of time. Please know how much I appreciated all of your effort.

With that, I need to write another letter but please enjoy the special gifts I brought you this year. You Mom and Dad asked me to not fill their stockings or bring them anything so they could really enjoy their time with you and seeing you smile.

Have a wonderful Christmas, Isaiah --- and Happy Birthday for tomorrow!! 

Love,

Santa

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Dear Kayden (age 4),

Thank you for all of the laughs last year Kayden! You sure know how to make me giggle and that is very special. It’s been a big year for you with your final year and Montessori and all of the learning you are doing there. By the time I write to you next year, you will have started Kindergarten. I look forward to hearing all about it.

I know there are so many things to get excited about and some times with all of that excitement it can be hard to calm down and focus on tasks but that is something I really need you to do. You know that it is your responsibility to put your toys away after you play with them. It is important that you do not bring out more and more things until the toys you have been playing with are put away… Please use your energy to getting that task done; there is no need to pout or cry or complain you are tired. I know you can do it.

Do you know what is so cool about cleaning up your toys? You have more room to play and move or practice your Yoga which you are so good at. It’s really helpful too because then you know where to find things the next time you want to play with them. Do you know how I know? One day we didn’t put away the tools in the Workshop because the Elves and me where too excited to eat some of Mrs. Claus’ freshly baked cookies and then go and play in the snow to build a HUGE snowman… well, because we had not put everything away, when we went back to work on the toys for all of the children – including yours – we couldn’t find ANYTHING. It was a near disaster. We spent so much time and energy trying to find things because we didn’t take the few minutes to complete the job in the first place. I learned my lesson, Kayden so I hope you can learn from me so you don’t need to go through that.

Speaking of things you can do, wow!!---- Swimming: you are becoming a fish, Kayden!!  And, you are running so fast when you play soccer. I am so proud of you. Your skills are improving with both activities but most importantly, you are having fun!!

Your writing and letters are improving so much as well. Keep concentrating on your letters; I would love to receive some words in your letter next year, Kayden. That would make your letter to me extra special.  Can you keep practicing your letters and spelling for me? But know – you are not just practicing for me, you will be so proud of yourself; learning new things is a special gift you have the ability to give yourself every day!

I must continue writing letters and preparing for the big day but please have a wonderful Christmas, Kayden! Can you be sure to give your brother a birthday hug from me as well?

Love,

Santa

6 Questions to Ask Your Child Every Day

I asked my 4 year old for a list of his favourite things. His responses were surprising. The simplicity and authentic responses are inspiring:

1. Making friends
2. Fighting monsters
3. Eating Popcorn
4. Making apple juice 
5. Cuddling with Mommy - EVERY DAY
6. Watching my brother's iPad
7. The bear story: Baby Baby, Baby Bear, What do you see?

... had he not seen his brother's iPad in the background, I am not sure this would have made the list. That said, he is now distracted by a matching game and cheering himself on as he randomly pairs Pokemon cards. "Mom, the game told me I am AWESOME!" Yes, buddy --- you are awesome. Very awesome.

This got me reflecting on the questions we ask our children; the perceived responses we might have and; other questions and responses - the dialogue - with my children I thrive on experiencing each and every day.

We have a routine at the dinner table:
1. How was your day?
2. What did you do today?

By asking this question in routine, the responses have become overwhelming but exciting. We receive the ultimate play-by-play, i..e
"I woke up. I came downstairs. I ate cereal for breakfast. I walked to school. I got to school. I put my backpack down. I walked around at school. The bell rang. 'Ring! Ring!' I went in my class. I put my backpack down. I put my indoor shoes on. Wait. I took off my boots and then I put my indoor shoes on..."

3. How did that make you feel? 
Whether a situation they are describing it something that make them happy, sad, frustrated, angry. We have them connect these emotions with the situation. You see, my oldest has anxiety (read more here -- I also talk about parenting the self-punishing child here) and any opportunity to discuss his emotions and learn during moments of pauses versus in the heat of the moment, it something we welcome.

4. What was your favourite part of your day?

5. What did you learn today?

And, of course:

6. Do you want to dance? 

Until next time... have a wonderful day! xo

Parenting Perspective: The Chapter on Supporting Your Self-Punishing Child Begins

My son is sensitive and loving, a true old soul. But with this aspect of his personality comes the "self-punishment". Combine this with anxiety (I talk about his anxiety here) and numerous developmental delays and a typical day presents that many more opportunities for my own personal growth. This perspective is critical to save my sanity. My sweet boy is gift to teach me greater patience, a deeper love and to value and hold onto every precious moment...

I love this photo of him. I think you can see a bit of his precious soul through his eyes and smile.

My six, soon-to-be seven year old, has made frightening, devastating, comments. From "I don't want to live" --- and shying completely away from concretely discussing it only to comment, "I can't tell you what I sad again because it would make you really, really sad." This is certainly want breaks my heart the most but then there are moments like yesterday where he declares his own punishment.

He started crying, balling. In the moment I couldn't understand why but soon learned the trigger (within a series of items) was receiving cereal instead of toast for breakfast. Anything pertaining to making a decision, he gets COMPLETELY overwhelmed. Even the option of having both so that he does not necessary have to make another choice becomes, yes, another choice for him. The crying, red tears, tears streaming down his face --- after nearly 40 minutes he realized this is not an acceptable response for the situation and that there should be a consequence. He begins:

• You need to take away my Pokemon card, forever.
• When I get home from school, I am just going to stay in my room for the rest of the day. 
• Don't have a birthday party for me. I don't deserve it.

And, he continues... continues declaring punishments for the next 20 minutes.

I had to leave for work and this stayed with me all day. Last night I spent the evening reading a spectrum of articles on "when a child self punishes"; "how to support a child who self punishes"; "understanding a child who self punishes".  Additionally, I have reached out to various local therapists to meet and discuss so I can better get out of my own head on this subject. I am by no means an expert but I can say, reading other parents' perspectives last night on similar circumstances helped so I thought I would share my situation, thus far, albeit with no particular resolve because sometimes I know you need to hear "I can relate"; "You are not alone". And, from the "expert" articles I read last night, a common them was:

"This is a surprisingly common issue for children." 

With that, again, you are not alone. Yesterday was not the first time we have gone through this situation. This has been going on for nearly two years and as he matures the consequences seem to be getting more in depth rather than lesser. 

I will update as we make our way through this parenting chapter... With some positive resolve, here are a few strategies I found from "When a Child's Guilt Goes Overboard" that we are going to try. 

"Here are a few suggestions, but you should find what works for your family:

1. Change the self-talk. Tell him he may apologize but he may not “insult” himself. That is your son he’s insulting and you don’t want to hear it! Explain that it is not his job to give the punishments, it’s your job. He can express his feelings once, but then needs to move on to something on the list.
2. Draw or write an apology note. No matter how small or large his mistake, this gives him a way to focus on the person he upset instead of himself, and express his remorse.
3. Make a gift of some kind. This is a great way to use some creativity making someone else feel good, and he will probably learn that this makes him feel better as well.
4. Spend some time alone. Separate from a punishment, he can go hang in his room or some comforting place.
5. Use that energy as exercise. Running off his mad, even if it’s at himself, is a healthy way to get these feelings out. A punching bag in your basement, a jump rope, push ups or sit ups are healthy ways to push out his mood.
6. Do a good deed. When he is feeling  like he is a disaster as a person, have him do something kind or helpful for the world. Clean up some litter, rake for a neighbor, do an extra chore around the house.
7. Create art or music or stories. These are excellent media for ridding ourselves of negative emotions."

SOURCE: When a Child's Guilt Goes Overboard,  Ask Doctor G: Parenting & Youth Development Expert, http://askdoctorg.com/2012/05/14/when-a-childs-guilt-goes-overboard, accessed November 16, 2017

Thanks for letting me connect and being a part of your day... hold onto a positive perspective throughout the challenges of your own parenting journey. Each present tremendous opportunities for growth and development... through that growth and development, we can empower, inspire and support.

With gratitude... have a wonderful day! xo

Parenting a Child with Anxiety

My son has anxiety. It is draining. It is exhausting. It challenges every ounce of my being. It tests me in ways beyond measures. It can most easily be recognized by the tears streaming down both of our faces. 

The other day was photo day at soccer. An environment which may not be comfortable for all but one that the 40+ other children they could cope reasonably well with. This is not me comparing or singling out my child. This is me being observant and open to learning how others handle such circumstances. The result: 2.5 hours of crying until he cried himself to sleep. Again, this not be comparing or singling out my child; this is me knowing my child and understanding from the dozens of medical professionals he has seen, he has anxiety.

When friends try to help - for me, a wall goes up.  A thick, impenetrable wall. I know people are meaning well but the reality is: we just want to dive into a bubble, my son and I, so we can talk; so he can express himself and I can remind him, without distraction, I am here with you. I love you.

It's not about whether or not it's going to be okay because in that moment, that is not a message he is able to hear; that is not within the realm of his reality...

If you are cornered by a lion and someone were to say to you, "it's going to be okay?" - you might have some choice words. For someone to think that by saying those words, in that moment, those "actions" are going to help with the circumstance?... Think about that. Really think about that. That is what a child with anxiety faces when they are triggered.

I relate my son's anxiety to being cornered by a lion

The reality is these situations that to most are simple decisions or day-to-day circumstances are completely overwhelming and outright terrifying for him. This --- this is anxiety.

On a day-to-day level, from public appearance, he can cope well. But, when he doesn't - and we don't always know what the trigger will be (yet) - it is not about whether or not he copes well; right now, it is that he does not cope. "Fight or flight" --- he takes off like a rocket-ship... and he is headed to a universe that is presently completely unknown to us but, guess what, we are along for the ride.

We've tried to talk with other parents about his anxiety but are often met with:
"He seems fine to me."
"He's learning at his own pace."

I can tell you these are not helpful or constructive comments. Although we appreciate the place these messages are coming from, I am writing this to share another perspective. When you know there is something "wrong" with your child it is not about labeling him - or perhaps more appropriately - feeling bad that he HAS a label. The "label" is a part of who he is. That is not something to be dismissed; it is something that must be acknowledged. It is a reality. It is his reality. It is a part of him and all of him is someone to be embraced.

We are new to this. This world of parenting a child with anxiety... it's not easy but we are learning... we are trying to keep breathing. We are letting ourselves cry. And we are reminding ourselves:

Until next time.. have a wonderful day! xo

p.s. I will keep you updated; if you have a child with anxiety, please do not hesitate to reach out.  Comment below or share some links to helpful resources to the comment section below.

When Empowerment Comes from Unexpected Places

I recently talked about an empowering situation that occurred at the most unexpected place, a funeral (read here). I am embracing these emotions as we deal with another sudden death.

I like to think I am strong and relatively stress free; I can handle a lot but death, it breaks me. It shatters me. I can go in one direction and hold to an extreme end of being stoic and exhaust myself OR, let the guard down and be completely vulnerable. The latter is my preferred path and I am so grateful to be allowed to express this completely transparent honesty. I say "allowed" as this has not necessarily always been the case. I was at work and a blubbering me. Blubbering mess does not adequately describe my emotions... but, I didn't run and hide --- although, I was very much tempted to do so. By embracing this aspect of me and being that vulnerable, I was able to grieve and cope...

This blog is another extension of vulnerability for me. Although not many many read or follow, it's a platform for me to find my voice and express myself with more transparency than I have done before. More significantly, it provides a platform for me to not solely express myself through these mediums, but -- in person. In real life?!?  How about that?! ---

Until next time... have a wonderful day! xo

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Please follow us on You Tube. We invite you to be a part of our life's adventures!

Learn more about me in this "Small You Tuber Tag". 

What Street in Heaven does Oma live on?

Children make profound statements. They enlighten us with their honesty. They keep us thinking. They catch us off guard:

"What street in heaven does Oma live on?"

This was my 4 year old. Calmly. Confidently. Sincerely. He was asking a great question.

We recently had to say goodbye to our family dog and 10 days later, my husband's Oma passed away; he had to fly half way around the world to be with his family. So, in a short period of time, my kids lose their dog, learn a family member has died, and suddenly their dad is on a plane to be away for a unknown amount of time. Change. Life. Transparent life.

We hid nothing from our children and are doing everything we can to support them through these changes. It's a lot for anyone to take in. It's a lot for parents, too. Combine your need to grieve with supporting your children as they grieve and being present, really - really present, to answer their questions... it can be draining. It is draining.

Through this, I feel like our children are experiencing a great gift: coping with grief. Holding memories. Talking openly. These are such critical life skills for them to develop. As a parent, when a sequence of difficult events are occurring -- I hold onto that: what a blessing it is for our children to develop these skills so young. What a gift it is for us to be trusted to lead them through this journey. What a privilege. They don't know this yet but these life changing last few weeks are carving a new chapter in the story they are writing.... that of life and that of resiliency. Messages which will be forever woven into every coming chapter they write.

Their resilience inspires me. Their honesty humbles me. They make me so grateful.

"There are no streets in heaven. It's where a great people we love gather when they pass to watch over us. We carry our memories and their good values in our hearts; how amazing is that? (Pause) Actually, there are streets in heaven: people we love are in heaven and the street runs from watching over us and goes right into our hearts."

"That makes sense, Mommy."

Until next time.... have a wonderful day. xo

Be a part of our journey, click here, to follow us on You Tube. 

 

 

A New Approach (?) to Engaging Parent Volunteers

Friendly reminder - if you want to engage parents - motivate and inspire new volunteers - please, please, please do not be condescending or pass judgement. Be grateful for the capacity they are assisting. Focus on building an inclusive community that give members a reason to engage - AND provide a sustainable commitment.

Everyone is aware that parents are continually asked from every school, group or organization their child (or children) are a part of. It can be heartbreaking when you cannot be more involved... please respect that and do not put down others when they are not able to assist. It seems some forget that people cannot be in two or three places at the same time...

I know volunteer roles often "fall on the same people" but I am a firm, sure - possibly naive - believer that it is possible to create a sustainable volunteer base... but, the pillars to doing do include: respect, gratitude, understanding & trust. 

Until next time... have a wonderful day!  xo

How does your child inspire you?

"Education begins the moment we see children as innately wise and capable beings. Only then can we play along in their world."

How does your child inspire you? Their innocence? Their drive and determination? Perseverance? Integrity? Passion?... I encourage you to take a moment and relate your child's behaviours to personality attributes. Here's an example:

• Our 3 year old snuck into the kitchen at 3am, moved one of the dining room chairs so that he could reach the top shelf, took a bag of mini-marshmellows and a bottle of multivitamins in a child-proof container, and went back in his room...

Sure, there are many things "wrong" with this behaviour and his actions were certainly less than desirable but, through this we can recognize:

• determination
• witt
• intelligence
• strength - physical and mental
•  ....

What POSITIVE personality attributes do you see in such actions? I challenge you to think about your child's perhaps less than desirable behaviour or action and be inspired but what their actions highlight about their personality....something to think about. Comment below with your stories. 

In reflecting on our child's behaviour and actions in that moment describes above, we can also take a moment to appreciate, the kid has moves.... for a laugh, watch this clip of his dance moves --- he calls it the "step and jiggle". Have a great day!

Day 8: My Favourite Time Saving Tips

I missed posting the other day. Well, actually, I had a post all set, forgot to hit "post" and ended up having a really, really long day and the original content became irrelevant. So, let's see if I catch up with a post this morning and another later today (or will do so another day -- but, 30 posts in 30 days WILL happen). Being short on time has me thinking about some of best time-saving tips as a full-time working mom which help ease the chaos of the day. Here are a few; I encourage you to add yours in the comments below.

1. Batch up cooking - freeze and save. I'll post on pulled pork later and how I get 8 family dinners (32+ meals) for about $30 cdn so, keep an eye out for that.

2. Use your crockpot. The biggest impact this and batch up cooking seem to have on saving time - is the clean up.

3. Engage your children in household responsibilities at an early age. The reality is you cannot do it all yourself but more importantly, each member of the household has a role to play. Make it part of the routine.

4. Establish some sort of routine. Our greatest time saving routine tips:

• As soon as the boys get home from school, shoes are put away, jackets are hung up, back packs are hung up, library books are put in a special location designated for just that and they take their lunch kits to the kitchen. Having that library book place is key to save you from searching for books later; promptly going through lunch kits is also key if you have kids like my boys and they come home with half eaten items... the mess after even a few extra hours takes that much more time to clean up. 
• Same thing from coming home from sports activities - especially swim lessons. We wash out the suits in the sink at the pool and the second we get home, towels and suits are hung up to dry. Failing to do this results in added laundry and the only laundry time saving tip I have is to lessen the amount whenever and however possible.

Now, it's your turn! How do you maximize your time?

Day 2: Rewarding Good Behaviour?

Parenting is filled with constant choices and so many perspectives. One choice being allowances and rewarding good behaviour. I am still uncertain as to where I sit on this one, however, my husband is 100% in support of a reward system. I thought it was worth a shot so we laid out some guidelines and let our boys choose a reward to work towards. After nearly two months, this is is what happened:

After a quick search on "rewarding good behaviour" I came across this statement:
We give our children ice-cream if they're "good", chocolate if they're quiet, little gold stars if they eat their greens, maybe even money if they get good marks at school. We praise them with a "good boy!" or "good girl!" if they do something that pleases us. For the modern and discerning parent, the hitting-and-shaming method of "discipline" is passé. Punishment is out, and rewards are in. Why use the stick, when we can better teach a child by using a carrot? (Source: The Natural Child Project)

Although I am a firm believer in positive parenting methods, I would suggest we are far from the strict reward referenced above... and this article goes on to highlight just that with a perfect example:
Here is a good illustration of why we made the mistake of believing in rewards, based on benefits that appear on the surface. When an American fast-food company offered food prizes to children for every book they read, reading rates soared. This certainly looked encouraging - at first glance. On closer inspection, however, it was demonstrated that the children were selecting shorter books, and that their comprehension test-scores plummeted.  (Source: The Natural Child Project)

With this in the back of our minds, we rolled out a reward system with standards: we established a minimum standard for acceptable behaviour and execution of responsibilities - yes, I am referencing my 3 year old as well - and then establish set items that we felt were significantly above that standard. We then, at an unspecified time, agreed to recognize our children's behaviour with the surprise - again, see video. (Feel free to watch a few times if you like. :) ).  On a practical/specific level here is what we established for our children:

6 year old (with developmental delays):

Minimum:

• Get dressed promptly
• Maintain a relatively organized room
• Consistently clean up after himself
• Work collaboratively to set table for dinner
• Always clear table after dinner
• Activity participate in school - and the activities he asked to enroll in: swim lessons, piano, choir
• Practice piano 

Additional responsibilities which will then become the minimum as he ages:

• Take out recycling
• Feed the dog 
• Take the dog out/let her in as she alerts
• Put away laundry
• Put dishes away

3 year old:

Minimum:

• Respectful communication & use of manners
• Eye contact
• Maintain a relatively organized room
• Consistantly clean up after himself
•  Work collaboratively to set table for dinner
• Always clear table after dinner

Additional responsibilities:

• Feed the dog
• Help with putting dishes away 
• Help with putting laundry away
• Help with taking out the recycling

We are already seeing the evolution of these items - in particiular with recycling. Both boys take great pride in sorted everything.... we will see how things continue, in the meantime feel free to share your thoughts on reward systems and/or the responsibilities you expect of your children in the comments below. 

Facebook vs Reality

You know where "this" moment is captured and posted to Facebook:

Photos cannot be used in any form without written consent of the author of this blog.

Well, the truth behind "THAT" is "THIS" where a child had been screaming and miserable for an hour and completely exhausted themselves...

The above photo was taken from an illustration because - of course - MY child would NEVER behave like that....

That is all, for now. Can you relate?

A Visit from the Tooth Fairy!!

Big news in our house!!! Our 6 year old lost his first tooth. Well, second technically and second according to him but that was only because he had to be pulled. I talk more about some of his health adversity here and here.  So....

Photos cannot be used in any form without written consent of the author of this blog.


What is the "going rate" for the tooth fairy? Comment below.

Now, because I didn't know this and it completely grossed me out --- apparently it is totally common for the teeth as they fall out to turn greyish/black! I can handle blood, and broken bones (I used to be a lifeguard and had to assist where a person missed the pool on back inwards dive - no issue there), but seeing my son continually play with this little tooth as it was barely attached and turned grey - nasty!!! So, that's it for this post -- you get to be grossed out if you read this far and, if you didn't, you got to see some pics of a darn cute kid (not that I am bias). WIN! ;)

Best Pancake Recipe - Turning Breakfast into a Fun Activity

This is the BEST pancake recipe! Time saving tip: Plan ahead and mix the dry ingredients in jars in advance then, on the day of cooking, simply add the milk and eggs. Alternatively, make a batch at once and store cooked pancakes in ziploc bags so you can easily warm up throughout the week. The latter was the strategy used in this video (and hence why the chocolate chips not rapidly melting). The placing of chocolate chips is a great activity to support FINE MOTOR DEVELOPMENT --- of course, healthier options would be using fresh berries but it's school break so the kids are enjoying a special treat. :)

Recipe:
2 cups flour
5 tsp baking powder
4 T sugar
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
1/2 cup oil
2 cups milk

Steps:
1. Combine dry ingredients and wet ingredients separately.
2. Combine all ingredients.
3. Cook & enjoy!

Traveling With Children: A Few Tips

We like to travel. We are somewhat addicted to traveling. Having a family does not stop us or slow us down... perhaps it even encourages us more. We want to expose our children to different experiences as best as we are able to. With kids, we have been to Germany, Italy, France, Hawaii, across Canada and the northern USA so --- BC, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and PEI (not yet to Newfoundland)... Maine, Washington DC, New York City, Philadelphia, Wisconsin Dells, Mt. Rushmore, Seattle, etc. For a 6 year old and 3 year old, that's not too shabby. For adults, we like to think that's not too shabby. With all of this traveling with children, we have learned a few things:

1. Activities in ziplock bags is convenient; keeps them sorted and more accessible.
2. Limit the activities you bring. Too many provides too many choices and takes up too much space. 3 for each child is appropriate.
3. Mega blocks provide a surprisingly great activity. They are big enough to not get lost and easy to contain.
4. Only use electronic devices after a set period of travel where the child(ren) have been calm.
5. Any opportunity to allow the children to run around, take advantage of: seatbelt sign is off on the airplane, let them stand/walk by the washrooms; washroom pit stop on a long car ride, allow 5 minutes for them to run around - set a timer if you have to so 5 minutes doesn't become 45 but allow sufficient time for everyone to stretch their legs. By setting the timer, children are made aware (even if there is a bit of a learning curve) how long they are able to race around.
6. Any opportunity to let the children rest, take advantage of it. If you are driving and the children are sleeping, keep driving as long as your body (and itinerary) appropriately allows. 
7. With sleeping arrangements, don't be afraid to convert the bathroom into another bedroom or temporary living room. On our cross country trip our children were aged 2 and 4 and sleeping in the same room was difficult. A routine that ended up working well for us was putting the 2 year old down for the night while the 4 year old had a prong longed bath. We even set up blankets on the bathroom floor to allow him to watch a show while his younger brother fell asleep. In the morning, because the younger child always woke earlier, he and I would watch a show in the bathroom while the rest of the slept. 

I am sure that I will add to this list but there is a start...

....We have been fortunate enough to travel from Canada to Germany several times. "Dad" is born and raised there so that is certainly part of the motivation but it has enabled us to have some notable experiences. If you are ever in Berlin, the zoo is an absolutely must!!  Below are a few snapshots of some of the animals we have been able to see. The animals are exceptionally well cared for and the proximity which you can get to them is phenomenal... and with that, I will sign off for today. Stay tuned for more snapshots of our travels.

Comparing Children: just don't do it

We have started to take the boys skating. It's become a weekly thing. They both enjoy it and although it does not come easy for them, they are having fun.

Our oldest lacks muscle tone. He could not process protein like a "normal" child and instead, protein consumption sent him into a comatose state; extreme lethargy, sudden high fevers, spontaneous - projectile vomiting... Not fun. BUT... he is out growing it. We are exceptionally fortunate to have a child with metabolic disturbances who grows out of it. We are blessed. Supporting his development to assist him in "catching up" presents numerous situations which test our patience to a level that I never knew existed.

When your child is at the playground or hockey rink, have you ever found yourself admiring the physical abilities of other children there?... Then, you catch yourself --- as you inadvertently are comparing your child. That used to be us. Selfishly, one of the blessings of our son's health adversity is that we have genuinely stopped comparing our child to others.... I highlight this as such a blessing because I think it makes us better parents; we focus and celebrate our child without the distractions comparisons may present.  However; that does not stop others. I listen to them share proudly about their child's accomplishments as they continually offer, well-meaning but non-constructive, suggestions that are so specific within the realm of a child's development, I cringe.

At our last visit to the rink, I  mistakenly asked the age of another child as this child's skills were exceptional and it provided and easy means to begin a conversation... He was 6. My son is 6. This other child was literally skating laps around our son. When our son stands and shuffles, we get excited. The passive tension rapidly rose as this other parent began suggesting everything to teach our son how to play hockey... We listened but stepped aside feeling really awkward and judged.

Our child is having fun in activity that helps him increase his strength, balance, coordination and support muscle growth.... We'll take that and proudly brag via posting a video of his newly acquired skills to You Tube. See for yourself: happy, healthy and determined. There is no need compare him to others.

"You're a mom." -- the answer to...everything.

Have you heard that line, "you're a mom" and suddenly that statement is apparently an answer.... To everything.

I have recently realized just how frequently one of my coworkers says this to me. However, it is more in the context that I share stories about my kids --- and am personally realizing, inadvertently, too much. This did get me reflecting though on just how frequently those three words have become such a prevalent statement in a variety of contexts. For example:

My husband and I were talking about getting things done around the house with the kids... I was frustrated and finally, directly, asked, "how am I able to do this --- and this and this, then?" His response, "you're a mom." Long pause. He then continued, "you guys are super human. I don't know how you do it, you just do." It that supposed to be a compliment?

Imagine a casual dinner conversation... There is a transition of topics that you don't notice but your friend without children catches on without reservation where as, you are totally oblivious:
Me: interesting...son, put your penis back in your pants... So, what other opportunities are you looking into?
Friend: ummmm.... That's obviously not the first time you've said that.
Me: Sorry, said which?
Friend: son...
Me: oh, that. That's the phase were in now so I don't notice it anymore. Maybe I should be more aware of the words coming out of my mouth..."
Friend: nah, you're a mom.

Have you experienced the "you're a mom" response? Share your story in the comments below.

Add more in the comments below!

My 3 Year Old Teacher

Important lessons learned this week alongside a 3 year old:

1. If you let your 3 year old walk the dog down a hill on a cement sidewalk, be prepared for tears. If you don't allow them to do so, tears and.... if you do, well....

2. Doing so will very likely result in crying - those painful screaming cries - and two "broken legs"... aka, scraped knees.

3. "Broken legs" can be healed with popcorn and a children's favourite tv show.

4. When a 3 year old is angry, take the time to listen. Really, really listen. They are likely angry because they have not been heard. In all seriousness we ran into quite an issue this week with our child hitting and spitting at his teacher. Yes - you read that right and yes - I just posted that publicly.  And, approximately two weeks ago there was an issue where he deliberately tripped every child in the class. Yes - I just admitted that and posted it publicly, too.

While obviously we need to address these behaviours, in each case we learned - from listening - that he was standing up for himself and that is a characteristic and attribute we want to continue to encourage. So, how does one encourage the behaviour, recognize the strengths in the child's character and squash the perceived undesirable behaviour?...

Now, am I becoming THAT parent? The one that you want to avoid because if my child hurts you on the playground I am going to standby and support them.... reality check! Of course I am going to standby and support them BUT, I won't standby and support the behaviour. Those are two critically different "elements".

And with that, I am going to step away from the computer to make breakfast and lunch for my 3 year to ensure they are fully fueled to add some new karate chop actions to his seemingly aggressive moves... ;)

This is the face of a child who may hit, spit, kick... but, is also filled with a lot of love!

Baby Takes a Bath in a Bucket (& I save you $$$ AND sanity!!! ;) )

Who has not bathed their child in a sink or bucket?!? Why do baby bathtub exist?... if somehow, somewhere a reader has stumbled onto this blog:

1. Tell me how you came across it because, well - I am mostly posting and talking to myself when I do.... I am not crazy though --- I think. Hold that thought...

2. If you know of a new parent or soon-to-be new parent, have them watch this video to save themselves $20 and not buy a baby bathtub... a bucket is MUCH more practical and will grow with this child becoming their future laundry basket....

... Which brings me to a new "rule"(we have introduced into our house) and a "save your sanity tip"  --- children can sort their own laundry, carry a laundry bin down stairs AND load it into the washer... we have introduced this with our 6 year old AND 3 year old. Yup, at the age of 3?!??!  We could have checked this item off of our "to-do" list THREE YEARS AGO!!!

p.s. We are not lazy parents... we like to think of ourselves as "strategic". We are transparent with our children that we are a team and asked them why the parents should do these things by themselves, when the children and more than capable of assisting. They have an understanding that we all have responsibilities to maintaining a household --- and if we work together to accomplish our responsibilities that also means we have more time to play together. One word you will not hear in our home, "chore"... you will hear however, "respect" and "responsibility" as daily messages. And, speaking of respect, I will respect my sole reader's time and stop rambling now... before you go though, WATCH this video!